The Mission

I received some sad news the other day, and it’s been on my mind. An acquaintance from college, my year, lost his battle to cancer and passed away this past weekend. A part of me feels uncomfortable writing this for many reasons. I can’t say I was good friends with him, but I ran across him throughout college as we had some mutual friends and he was always really nice to me and seemed like a really good friend to his friends I knew. I don’t think it is too appropriate for me to really get into any details of his battle due to the sensitivity of the terrible timing as this is all too fresh and recent for kids dealing with it right now. The circumstances of the whole situation has made me think a lot – obviously for him and his family, but a lot for my friends that were close to him. I can only imagine how they must feel, knowing the inevitable and trying to even cope with the loss of a great friend full of life at such a young age. Everything I’ve heard about him makes it worse – he was a really smart guy, a free spirit that wanted to always live in Australia and did so for a year after graduation, and most importantly, a good friend. I can’t particularly make any insightful comments or say anything to that effect, but I really hope my friends are doing alright.

This has also given me some perspective as to this cause that I have gotten myself involved in for Team In Training / Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Everyone definitely knows someone affected and people’s lives and thoughts are impacted differently and to different levels of extent, and for some reason this one case has driven me to reflection. Honestly, and it is really weird for me to say but… hearing really sad stories every Saturday and receiving weekly emails about tragic cases of battles with cancer is tough and good to remind us of the cause, but it also makes you de-sensitized in a way. I know its awful to say, but its hard to continually sift through stories and comprehend them. And that can’t be a good thing, those stories mean so much to so many people, and affect other people who weren’t involved but have similar personal stories from their lives. Those stories were sad, no doubt about it, but I never really knew what to think while hearing those stories as I wasn’t directly affected growing up by cancer. Sure I knew and know of people who had family/friends affected, and yet, throughout this marathon training I haven’t really felt so attached to the cause. It was more so about me taking on a challenge and changing my habits training for this marathon. I knew the LLS cause was great and wanted to raise money for the organization in honor of people that I know who have dealt with someone affected their whole lives. Maybe that was in the back of my mind, but I never had a clear perspective of the greater purpose of the organization and its goal of the Team In Training program.

It makes me feel really bad to have Pete’s passing open my eyes and help remind me of the kids and adults I know who have dealt/are currently dealing with their own losses and battles with cancer. I know its been in the back of my mind when I hear or talk about the marathon, LLS, people affected, etc. I’ve had a friend who just finished chemo for testicular cancer, and it was a surreal thing to hear about it since there’s less associated danger or anything and he would constantly be a part of a post-college list serve we are both a part of, and I really never associated too much with the TNT/LLS cause to his experience. In terms of other recently diagnosed people, I’ve felt for them or family members, but this recent passing has hit me. Maybe it’s the fact that I saw Pete around in college and he was my age and a healthy kid always smiling, and the fact that I’m friends with some of his good friends. I just don’t really know. Its hard to say “now I have a reason to run” because that’s just not the only case, but his experience and what my friends are dealing with (from this case and other cases) means a lot to me now. Its helped me see things in a different way. I know its tough for my friends, and I’m glad they are strong, good people. There’s nothing that I will be able to say to really make anyone feel better, but a lot of people are in my thoughts and I guess I want to let them know (indirectly) that I care about them and I’m sorry.

I’m sorry if this is sad, this blog has generally been very happy and has tracked the progress of running and fun fund raising events, but I felt compelled to write. I still don’t know how to react, or how appropriate it is for me to write when so many other people have been affected a lot worse. I think I just wanted to get something down without holding things in as I usually do and hope that other people are able to deal with things in their own way knowing they have friends around them.